This Space I Call Home

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."--Victor Frankl, 1946

Just as expected, this first year in the Peace Corps in Macedonia has been the most moving and fulfilling of my life. I arrived last year to the date, with plenty of expectations in spite of all the recommendations to have none. I couldn't help but to expect more than just the up's and down's that seem to go hand-in-hand with any journey of this sort.

The funny thing is, life here for me has been almost completely up. I've been happier than ever before in my life, and almost regularly sigh to take in my new norm of well-being and overall balance. Sometimes I wonder when the roller coaster nosedive will come; I've seen it happen to others and I've certainly experienced it before in my own life.

I perhaps imagined it happening when we first moved to our sites after three months with our host families, in the dead of winter, tredging down sheets of ice, celebrating the most 'christmas-less' christmas ever (in January, far from home, and over bonfires...really!?). But the down's didn't come then. It was all so new, and I had every reason to feel deeply grateful for my placement with AIESEC in this charming city I now call home.

Maybe it would come when everyone scattered in all directions this July, I calculated. My closest colleagues here were suddenly graduating and off to other places, many to new countries to take on glamorous internships with AIESEC. Dejan was at last swayed to take advantage of his golden opportunity to move to New Jersey. Our favorite European volunteer headed back to Sweden and then moved on to London.

Instead of the loneliness I dreaded ever since I roamed the streets of Manhattan as a friendless newcomer at age 17, a new cycle was kicked off, new interesting friends were made, and my daily jogs and diving into new projects filled my days with an even more refreshing fulfillment. I went into overdrive in order to meet new people and quickly branched out all over town, both socially and professionally.

At regular intervals I calculate how long it has been and just how long I have left. Holy cow, I think, over two years here!? I'll be in my mid-twenties by then! Even two years in New York City left me restless! I start calculating the ages of my friends and family members by 2010, some of whom I may not see until then. But then I remember--wow, if this was the happiest fall/winter/spring/summer I've pretty much ever had, I have a lot more to look forward to!

All of this babbling is marked with contradictions, in a sense. Today while jogging, for example, I considered if I felt free here in the midst of all this reputation bologna and Peace Corps confinement. Even just jogging brings plenty of odd stares my way. These aren't the things I focus on most, though. I focus rather on how grateful I am to have this life and these opportunities, because of the things I was merely lucky enough to be born with, like my supportive family and my citizenship. When I consider my current freedoms, I focus easily on things like the flexibility of my work schedule, and my long-awaited financial independence!

Is this path, these ultimately fulfilling choices I've made, and others have made that landed me here, a lucky or karmic draw? Or am I just recognizing the beauty in this experience, which I fought so hard to make happen? There are challenges every day which threaten my sense of balance, and yet I think what all this "karma" is actually about is that I'm so grateful for all of this. At some point early on here in Macedonia, it dawned on me that the more positive I am about everything, the more positives I and others recognize around me. This attitude is based in a philosophy inspired by Victor Frankl's 'Man's Search For Meaning'.

Frankl was a holocaust survivor who recognized a key survival skill in human psychology--recognizing meaning in life in even the most difficult of struggles. I could go on and on about Victor Frankl's experience and consequential psychotherapeutic developments, but the point is, I have found a sense of larger meaning here. What could possibly be more fundamental in life than to reach out to others, form meaningful relationships, and do good deeds? Beyond philanthropy, the connection alone, making the extra effort to touch someone's life and make it a bit brighter, is a gift that keeps on giving. This simple act gives me a deeper sense of purpose.

This is a basic lesson, one I have always known but haven't always put into practice as a lifestyle. The lessons I have taken so far from this year in Macedonia will continue to enrich my life. As Frankl wrote in 'Man's Search for Meaning':

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”

If we look for it, freedom and purpose are everywhere.